The moon. My companion.

When I was little, I used to stare out the window when we'd drive at night and stare at the moon. I always found it facinating that it would follow us everywhere...night after night...like a faithful companion. Tonight, I looked for her. I knew a full moon was upon us and as I drove through the sweet Colorado summer night, windows and sunroof open, hair flowing in the wind and om bagavan bellowing out of my speakers, I kept glancing to the east with anticipation of la grande lune.

I've been facinated by the moon - what it represents. It can symbolize femininity, as the moon cycles like a woman. It is also a sign of uncertainty, or lack of clarity. I think that sums up where I'm at right now in life. Uncertain. Sensitive. And very in touch with my femininity. All of which are due their time in my life.

There seems to be so much to process. So many thoughts and feelings enter me and like an inhalation, both inspire and ignite me. I aim to be patient with myself - avoiding any expectation that I be at a certain point in my healing or quest. Some people wait until they have lived half a lifetime before they are where I'm at in my life - wondering where to go to next. And I am choosing to see it as a time to discover my next step. I have had so many doors open in my life - now it's just a matter of trusting that the right one will open.

As I move into being "single," a label I loath more than anything, I am learning to enjoy the serenity it can sometimes lend to my life. I am not in torment about my feelings for someone else. I am not looking for the closest exit or wishing I could "figure" out why it wasn't working. I am waking on my own and laying my head down in my own space. And as the time passes and I continue to ask the necessary questions about what it is I am about, I realize this was the best decision for me at this time. Although I grieve another relationship not working out, and the transformation that it has thwarted me into now, I am positive that this is absolutely necessary for my life.

My energy shifts, along with my heart and I enter a new chapter. It is MY book. MY life. And I am now starting to see that although my purpose in life is to LIVE love, the outcome I hope is true happiness.