Everlasting...

In the hallway between the kitchen and the bar I leaned against the wall and told him, "that's not love. That? That's just lust; plain as day." It was cute but slightly annoying how they held their hands across the table and smiled coyly at each other. It was obvious how mutual their adoration was and initially I just thought with a shrug, "cute." As I brought their drinks and their meal, they sat peacefully across the table from each other just looking all gooey-eyed and eating.. Then, as I returned to present them with a dessert menu, she had moved her chair to be seated right next to him, blocking a passageway. Our restaurant is small; it's a Bistro. We can't hire larger people because they just wouldn't be able to slink between the tables - that is how close our tables are from each other. The little act of moving her chair to be next to him put me over the edge. And the fact that they didn't even look up from their display of affection long enough for me to tell them about the crepe of the freakin' day? I asked, God with fists in the air, "WHY?!!!"

All my coworkers were talking about the annoyancy of the "lovebirds." All I could say was, "Bleh. That's not love. I don't want that. That isn't even real."

That same night, at the same time, I had had a lovely table comprised of two couples that were so nice. They had asked me at one point what I thought of Denver. When I replied, "it's nice but sometimes, a little too small," the older woman asked, "Where would you go if you could?" "Paris", I told her, without hesitation. She told me, "Don't wait." I didn't think much of it and smiled, agreeing with her, "I can't wait very much longer, actually." She smiled and I poured her wine.

And then as I was closing their check at the computer, I notice a bunch of people surrounding someone outside. One fellow server came in saying, "some old guy is going to die on our patio." I noticed it was my old guy from my fabulous table. I ran outside to see the older gentleman sitting on the chair, pale, eyes closed and in the arms of his wife, who held his head in such a loving, gentle manner that I stood there speechless. The other couple that had been with them had split up with one calling the hospital and the other running for the car. When they recognized me, the woman calling the hospital somehow choked out, "he's got cancer. He's going through chemo and...." I hugged her. I didn't know her but I hugged her because I had no idea of what else to do.

As I walked back into the restaurant to see what was being done and collect myself, I looked back through the window to see the wife of the man kissing the top of his head, so lovingly. I turned again to my coworker with whom I had had the conversation about my lovebird table, pointed at the woman holding her man and said, "THAT is love. That is the type of love that I want..the "holdyourheadwhileyou'redying" kind of love.

I almost lost it right there as I realized how humble and powerless it must be to know that the love of your life is dying. To love someone THAT much, know that your days are numbered but to stay there, holding their head as they go from the big, strong man that walked so confidently beside you to a man dying of such a horrid disease, weak from the battle and obviously hanging on by a thread. That is love in it's purest form.

I went into our bathroom and prayed no one entered as I sobbed for them. I sobbed because I thought I knew love but I was wrong. The whole time I was with my Ex, I knew that he would never have been that person for me.

That love is rare but seeing it so raw that evening? I felt a flicker of hope light that candle that had burned out in my heart when I thought love left me.