Moving on

We move on. Somehow we pick up the pieces, we move forward and our lives continue to shift in ways we may not have ever imagined possible. The funny thing is that we must move forward. We have no real choice and it would do us no good not to do so. Why wallow?

I have watched how I react to people these days and I feel like an entirely new person. I am more patient, more accepting, more willing to allow people to be who they are because I so want them to return the favor. My sister told me today that she could tell just by my new voicemail that I was back to my "old self" again...that my voice reflected my ability to move forward and be happy again. I have to be honest, I'm not completely sure I'm through these rough waters. I will be doing fine then I'll kiss a guy or hear myself say something bitter and I remember why I am exactly where I am right now. I am still healing. I am still human. And I am still trying to figure out how to get through each and every day.

Time has been my best friend these last couple of months. It has made the memories more distant and the tears, less frequent. I am so busy these days between working two jobs and enjoying a newfound freedom and social life that I haven't really wanted or been even able to stop and really consider what just happened. Like disbelief after a car accident, I still can't believe I went from being in a serious, moving forward toward marriage type of relationship and living with someone to where I am right now. I keep waiting for it to really hit me and for me to want irrational things like my ex back in my life or to be living on the other side of the world.

I have had the joys of learning to flirt and date again. It has been an interesting few months and I have allowed myself leeway to experience these moments as some sort of medication for my emotional situation. It hasn't really cured me. It has shown me how resiliant my heart is and how far from ready I remain. But the dream of someone is there. I don't know when I'll meet him (I'm hoping he'll give me some time to really have some distance from my ex) but I look forward to getting to know many men in the process and enjoying how fun it can be being single.